The Joy Fix

Use mindfulness, positivity, relationships, & gratitude to build joy

Creative Ideas to Build Wellness, Strengthen Relationships,
and Delight In the Times When Children are Young

  • Blog
  • About Erin
  • Joy Fixes for Weary Parents Book
  • Events
  • Contact
You are here: Home / Strategies for Mindful Parenting / 5 Things To Do When Kids Argue

5 Things To Do When Kids Argue

October 11, 2014 By Erin Leyba Leave a Comment

  by Erin Leyba, LCSW, PhD

Your kids are playing nicely while you are cleaning up the breakfast dishes. It is 8 seconds before you hear one of them saying, “No! I want that! It’s mine!” and the other one protesting, “No, mine!”

There’s times when it feels like kids can’t seem to play for more than a minute before entering some kind of conflict. Two kids want the same thing. One wants to play trains while the other wants to play blocks. Both want to put in the last puzzle piece.

Aside from putting on your striped referee outfit and dangling a huge shiny whistle from your neck, what can you do?

You can set the stage ahead of time
Before a play date or free-play with siblings, you can ask your child,

  • “What toys are you excited to share with Jane?” or
  • “Let’s play nicely today. What are some things we could do to make Jane feel welcome when she comes over?”
  • “If you and Jane want the same toy at the same time, what could you do?”

You can remind kids of positive responses

  • “Can I have a turn when you’re done?”
  • “Can we set the timer so I can have a turn?”

You can give attention when kids are going with the flow or playing nicely

  • Make it a point to look up from the dishes not just when someone yells “Ow!” or “Mine!” but when everything is quiet and the kids are playing well together.
  • Notice and acknowledge every time your child does share, follow, or problem-solve in a positive manner.

You can help kids reconnect after an argument

  • Have them cool off.
  • Have them say sorry.
  • Have them give hugs.
  • Have them say, “I won’t do that again” or “Next time I’ll do XYZ differently.”

You can appreciate the drama in the story

Most of us don’t like conflict. We tend to avoid it. When super-spirited kids argue, it can grate on us like nails on a chalkboard.

We can, however, come to appreciate the tremendous growth that can occur during conflicts, during the “drama in the story.” These are the times when kids learn to share, compromise, find their voices, express their feelings, work things out, and make up. The “drama” provides opportunity for kids to practice how to lead and follow, give and take, use their strength, forgive, and be compassionate.

Instead of yelling at kids for yelling, we can see their conflicts as natural opportunities for growth.

Erin Leyba, LCSW, PhD, mom to three, is a psychotherapist for individuals and couples in Chicago’s western suburbs. She specializes in counseling for parents of babies and young children. www.erinleyba.com or erinleyba@gmail.com To follow this blog by e mail, click the follow button on the left.

Share on Tumblr

Filed Under: Strategies for Mindful Parenting Tagged With: arguing, children fighting, positive discipline, positive parenting, sibling

All rights reserved.

Erin Leyba, LCSW, PhD, mom to three, is a psychotherapist for individuals and couples in Chicago’s western suburbs. She specializes in counseling for parents of babies and young children. Learn more at ErinLeyba.com or by Emailing Erin

To follow this blog by e-mail, sign up with the form to the right.

Follow this blog via email

Sign up for articles and tips on parenting with mindfulness and joy.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Follow this blog via email

Sign up for articles and tips on parenting with mindfulness and joy.

Categories

  • Bonding (2)
  • Everyday Life With Little Ones (5)
  • Friendships (1)
  • Mindfulness (1)
  • Strategies for Mindful Parenting (10)
  • The Connected Couple (3)
  • Uncategorized (1)
  • Wellness (2)

About Erin

I am a mom to 3 spirited children, and work as an individual and marriage counselor in Chicago’s western suburbs (Oak Brook, IL). I specialize in working with parents of babies and young children. I love what I do and learn from every person I meet.

Read More

RSS SiteGround Blog

Members

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org

Search

©2015 Erin Leyba. All Rights Reserved.